Half-bred
My father was a reindeer and my mother a human. Well, I wish it was that simple. I am a half-bred but it has its price. We, half-breds are on the verge of society and we are forced to live in the forests, collecting berries and fruits to keep ourselves alive. You can protest against society but whatever menial living is still a living – unless you are ready to die.
According to my mother, father used to be a human, too. One day, he was driving his car when a reindeer crashed into it. He was supposed to die in the accident because the deer’s antlers broke the car window causing lethal injuries in him. But instead of blood, some silvery slime was pouring out of his veins, covering his injuries. He looked dead for a moment, but suddenly shook himself alive and roared. His face shapeshifted first: his nape lengthened, his chin fell forward and his nose grew. His skull grew his own antlers. He still had his human hands and senses, so he started the car. The main injury on his chest was visible with blue light. I was not witnessing it as I hadn’t existed at that moment yet. It’s all motherly talks to me.
She said that he had troubles of controlling himself too. By the time, he reached home, he changed back to being a human again as if nothing happened. His memory was foggy but nothing else. Up until one day, as I was born, with hooves on my hands and feet. He roared again and headed for the forest. My mother described him, but I cannot imagine him. He must have looked interesting.
^
People are afraid and weary of us. Half-breds are considered bad luck. At the beginning of our existence, we were not hunted as we were not considered animals. We have technically no meat on us or any values that should be hunted for. But we are not humans either. We are supposed to live off in the forest, far from animals and from humans as we don’t belong to either. See, my life can be quite lonely, but it can have its advantages. I can just collect and pick up my berries by myself and think about my usual doings. I study the roots, the moonrise, the brook streams, and such. I haven’t uttered a word for ages.
There is a small patch of clearing among the woods up in the mountains. That’s my favourite place of them all. It’s good to relax there, take a bit of sunshine and dream about the future. Not that my future has any perspectives… but it is a nice thought to meander upon. You know, even I have a heart. A heart that can burst open, fire and have its flames. Thus, as it can fire up from time to time, it needs to be calmed down. The little clearance of the forest just does the job for it.
We, half-breds live far away from everyone. Therefore, for a long long time, I didn’t even know that there were others of us in the forest. Once I saw a bear that had human arms, but it was some time ago, I was too young and got afraid so that I ran away. Now I’m not even sure if it was half-bred or just my mind played tricks with me and my senses. Since then, or ever, I had not met any of us. Not meeting and not connecting with yours could give you an awry feeling. It feels that you own the world, as it would just roll under your feet and no one else’s.
That was when I saw her. She was a half-bred too, or as we call them, a she-bred. She drank like a human, squatting to the brook’s line, her hooves slightly crossing the mirror of the water. Her head bent forward. She was a beautiful deer, almost like cut from the books, doe-eyed and light brown. I slowly approached her. I knew it was a she-bred because she was not wearing antlers and it wasn’t shedding time yet. Anyhow, you couldn’t even see the little buds on the top of her head to grow them. She was wearing high hips jeans, with holes cut out on her knees only and she covered her hind hooves with sneakers. She was drinking calmly, unaware of her surroundings. I could observe her quite clearly. Her body was slim and beautiful. More beautiful than mine. I never saw anyone like her. In fact, I never saw anyone like me either, which made me wonder: do half-breds come only in deer forms or are there any forms of us? (Insects for example? But no, I shook my head, it would be impossible.)
She did not notice me and left silently. I often came back to the brook and waited sometimes hours, sometimes days, waiting for her to show up again. It took a long time she came again. I was approaching her from the water’s side. It took her a long time to notice that the face she’s seeing in the mirror of the water surface is not hers but mine. She did not get scared though. Almost as if expected it, she arrogantly lifted her head and gave me a half-smile.
‘So, you’re spying after me, too.’
‘What do you mean, me too?’ It was now my time to get shocked.
‘There is a new set-up.’ She slowly straightened herself and lifted her hands up to the air. ‘Wussssh! This really feels good!’ she broke into a smile. I must have stood there completely stunned because she was only laughing at me. I felt attraction. It was a weird, tingly feeling. I never met anyone, only animals, sometimes. They normally tried to attack me, or I got scared and I ran away. Fear was basically my life. I never had this tingling, vivid, feel-good emotion running up and down on my spine. I wasn’t sure what that was. My initial thought was that it is a new kind of fear. And I was absolutely dumb founded regarding what she was talking about.
‘What do you mean by new setup?’ I asked. It took a while until words formed in my head and uttered themselves through my throat.
‘There are checks. People. Hunters, as they say. They are hunting. Not specifically for us, but some of my family warned me.’
‘Are there more from you?’ I interrupted. In a world where I existed by myself alone, with hardly remembering my parents’ face even, I never thought that there would be more of my kind. She continued as if not hearing me.
‘They are hunting for us. They say, they measure the forest, but in fact, they are only trying to locate us. My family told me. Not to talk to you.’ She paced and pranced nervously even though there was a slim stream of water lying between us. She walked up and down on the little brook’s shore. ‘My family… They noticed that you are quite around our den.’ My jaw dropped more and more just listening to her. She was everything and nothing I had expected.
I wondered what her faded pink blouse could be hiding. But no use of fantasizing about her body: whether it is the same or different from mine: with my hooves, I had no chance of touching it, nor would they have felt like real, human touches. No chance to lean in to her and hug her.
‘Maybe, maybe…’ I tried to continue. ‘Maybe there is a way they will change us back into humans.’ She laughed in a way I didn’t like. She was mocking me.
‘Change back, for sure.’ She looked at me by profile, crossing her arms on her chest. ‘You’re too naïve. They are killing us. We are half-breds. More interesting than animals and hugely intimidating humans. Have you not felt that we belong to nowhere?’ She slowly bent herself closer. The knot in my stomach and my heart got tighter with every inch of her steps she took.
‘Aren’t you supposed to listen to your family and not come near me?’ I pressed the words and nervously started to clean my antlers at the closest tree trunk.
‘I don’t care anymore.’ She pouted with her mouth – like to the extent a deer could do. She was strange and special. Something was up in her that attracted me deeply and I couldn’t get rid of that feeling.
‘Oh. Alright.’ I still scratched the trunk. It didn’t hurt enough.
The next time we met was at the clearance. I showed her the place, she liked it. I told her, it was a good place to come to empty our minds and maybe even to hide if the forest was measured too much by the hunters. The tingling was all around when she was nearby but when she was not, the feeling and the need to scratch tree trunks also disappeared. We spent there many a nice afternoons under the shed of the trees. I knew when she was planning to visit me because she always asked me to collect extra mushrooms or blueberries. To her and to her family, she said, to prove that she was straying only to find more nutritious foods. Thus, our secret could be well kept.
Around the clearing, the fruits were bigger. The sun was setting on them, so they easily grew. Whenever we talked, we never talked about the future. We both knew we don’t have one. We only talked about the hunters. It slowly instilled the constant fear in my heart, the heart that never held onto fear for too long nor was scared before. But with her, everything was possible. We even discussed a widely detailed plan about what to do if we encounter those hunters.
Days later, I saw them. I was glad she warned me. They were indeed wearing khaki suits and covering themselves with leaves. They don’t know that they can be smelt from miles away. Humans never learn. I knew now what to do. I ducked down and without noise, I hid behind the closest tree. That’s when I noticed her: it took me an instant to realize her faded pink blouse, her knee-cut jeans. The tingling told me that she was around. That tingling, I still couldn’t figure out what it was and why I occasionally have it. Then came the next shock. She was leaning onto a hunter’s shoulder, her arms crossing his body tightly, almost melting into his. In fact, both of them eyed me. They were so close to me, if I wanted to I could touch the hunter’s weapon which was pointed on me.
The next thing I remember to feel is that sudden sweet taste of warm, red liquid in my mouth. My eyesight blurred… I felt I was falling on my knees. That’s it. This must be the weird tingling about. It was a prediction after all. It was also the she-bred’s scent and her faded pink blouse… then the whole world shut down. Into cold ground. Into darkness.
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